Sacred Doubt

I have recently started researching my family tree. It’s been an amazing journey as I have discovered facts about relatives long-lost to history. For example, I discovered a copy of my Great Grandfather’s World War I draft registration card. You can see that he was 19 at the time. I’m pretty sure he was not drafted. But having a copy of such a document is a great find. It even has his signature on it.

Of course while it is easy to see dates and discover names, what is not so easy is to interpret what those dates and names really mean. What was going through my Great Grandfather’s mind as he signed that card? Was he nervous? Was he in a hurry? Did he think he was about to see the inside of a foxhole in France? Or what about another Great Grandparent who I know only through a name and the dates of his birth and death. After talking with relatives who knew him personally I have discovered that he was an alcoholic whose wife spent some time in a Texas mental institution. These are facts that cannot be learned by looking at old US Census data.

Dates tell us when something happened. They do not tell us the stories of what was REALLY happening at the time. To get that information you have to hear the story from someone who was there – who was a witness.

I am currently going through a job search. Every time I send out a resume I think about the hiring manager looking over my career and seeing lots of dates. But how are they interpreting those dates? It worries me sometimes that I rarely get to tell the stories behind the resume bullet points. When I don’t get to tell the stories, someone else is in control of the interpretation.

But what about when I am the one in control of the interpretation? What is it that I tell myself about my past. I can look over my history and declare that all was good. Nothing bad happened. I made zero mistakes.  Or, I could just as easily interpret my life as screwed up because of things I have done or others have done to me. Perhaps I could try to ignore the past – push it all away like it never happened.  Or maybe never live in the present because dwelling on the past is so much easier.

For me personally I tend to beat myself up over the past. I look at things that have happened to me, things that I have done, things that others have said about me – and dwell on them, agonize over them, re-live them. It does not happen all the time. But when I get on a spiral it can take awhile to come back up for air. And the funny thing is that, depending upon the day, I can interpret same events in many different ways. Some days these events are the cause of all my current frustrations and other days I see these events as just a part of my life history: no more – no less.

If I want to have a more healthy way to look at my past perhaps I need to discover what God thinks of it. Jesus was sitting by a well one day when a woman came to get some water for her daily use. She had no business being there at that time of day. It was hot, dry and lonely. But maybe she wanted to be alone. And yet here sits Jesus who ups and starts a conversation with her! She is surprised to say the least. She is a woman, a Samaritan, and did not have the best reputation in town. In the course of their conversation Jesus lets her know that HE KNOWS HER STORY! He mentions the number of husbands she has had and that she’s not even married to the guy she is with right now!  But here is the thing: he knows her story but he still wants to use her to share the good news of the kingdom.

Think about that! Jesus knows all of the crap this woman had been through and yet wanted to use HER to help bring about the Kingdom of God. In fact, the scripture says that many came to faith that day because of what the woman shared with her community about Jesus.

Jesus knows my past. He knows my stories. And yet he still wants ME to be a part of creating his kingdom right here – right now. I guess if I let Jesus interpret the past then I can stop worrying about it huh? Now, on with the work…

Blogger and author Seth Godin recently wrote a post called “Drive-by Culture and the Endless Search For Wow“. I encourage you to click and read it. I’ll wait. . . .

The point of his post is that the Internet has created a culture of snap decision makers. Maybe this culture was already being formed with the invention of TV remote controls, but Godin seems to think that the Internet has exacerbated the problem. That problem, as he puts it, is that “We’re creating a culture of clickers, stumblers and jaded spectators who decide in the space of a moment whether to watch and participate (or not).”  As a result, marketers (the focus of most of Seth’s books and blog posts) try everything they can to keep your attention for just a second longer. When that happens the deep content gets pushed to the bottom of the page and the need for a “wow factor” goes up.  Having a wow factor is great if all you want is views but  ”does it generate thought or change?”.  Probably not.

This argument is not new. I remember a communications professor in college bemoaning the fact the USA Today’s stories were too short. But Godin suggests that the internet is accelerating this drive-by culture. Why read a USA Today article when I can get the news in a 140 character Tweet?

I wonder how Jesus would market if he had had the internet? Would he post a YouTube video that was designed to get as many hits as possible? Would he post a Craig’s List ad “Wanted: Disciples who don’t mind walking and getting wet in stormy boat rides”?  Would he have a Facebook fan page and Twitter stream? But I digress.

I think Godin has a point. I find myself looking over the first few sentences of an article, getting bored and moving on. I surf the web the same way. There is no thoughtful reading – no lingering over a topic. The other day I picked up a magazine with an article I thought sounded interesting. I started reading it but soon found myself skipping large paragraphs. I finally said I don’t have time for this, looked down at my watch and realized I had committed 3 minutes to the article. 3 minutes?!?!? You can’t do anything in 3 minutes – much less digest new information.

So, new plan. I am going to try and resist becoming  part of the drive-by culture.  Or maybe at least try and recognize it when I am doing it. I am going to try and set aside more than 3 minutes to read newspaper or magazine or blog articles. I’m going to try to digest what I’m reading instead of tasting it and spitting it back out. And I’m going to focus on one thing at a time (as long as I don’t get a tweet). We’ll see what happens.

Meanwhile, if you have made it to the end of this post congratulations! Maybe you are not part of the drive-by culture . . . yet.